Monday, May 08, 2006
May 08, 2006
i'm feeling better now.. so i should not whine too much about sam blocking me. he's blocked me for a week already. i wonder whether if it's because
a) he hates me and doesn't want t talk t me
b) he doesn't want me talking t him
c) he blocked me, moved me to females, and FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME. ):
d) blocked and deleted.
c & d, ultimate worst right? sigh. he's still in my personals. i can't bear to put him into males with 40 other guys. i don't want t be in his xfemales! ):):): okay i'm getting so emo talking about this. change of topic.
yknow, all my life people have been thinking i'm this outgoing, popular person. in fact when i was younger, i embraced the title. i was disgusted by my horoscope. cancer? wtf? this emotional oversensitive crab? what loves family and devoted all? no no i'm a party girl who likes t have fun!
but gradually as i got older i realised.. the crab is really.. me. lemme go checkout astrology online and post the traits.
Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic
Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go
ok besides the cautious part. TELL ME WHICH PART OF IT DOESN'T RESEMBLE ME?
i don't fall out of love once i'm in love. you guys know tt? with terence it was because he chose t move on. he told me most clearly it was over. he had girlfriends. i was immature then, and i used guys t forget him. but i only truly got over him i think a year++ later. with samuel now i really wonder. i've grown up now. no more playing around. so how long will i take t forget him? 2 year++? sigh..
the other boyfriends.. well when i wasn't in love it's a bah! i dump i throw. t & s both kept coming back.. and in the end i fell in love. the rest either gave up, because i can be really harsh, or stuff. tt's why i love them both so much. they cherished me, loved and protected me at my worst. and i know they deserve me at my best.
so no i'm no flirt queen. no CHK. no clubbing queen young and wild barely 16! lol. these were those nicknames friends gave.
seriously though. popularity is not as hyped as it is. it stinks actually. its nice la, i mean i remember arvyn and angela saying hey jov you're old student yeh? and i was like no i'm new why. and they were like oh you know everyone blabla. and arun.. so jovo how does it feel to be popular? and win. jov help me sell tics leh. i know you've got lotsa lobangs.
but in actuality. its a perpetual state of lonliness.
i've been back t town alot recently. and i bump into friends everywhere. on a fri or sat i will bump into at least 5 groups of friends, and at least 10 people i know. once i jus walked over t cine and was smoking at the railings and tada. friends and friends jus kept milling past.
but it's sad because i realised something. with less than half of them i managed to hold a 10 min convo. maybe i'm putting myself down too hard. i mean, they were with friends, i can't expect them to stop and chat right? but i found it so sad tt for many it was simply hi! hug* how are you? what are you doing now? oh this is your boyfriend/friend? ok see you keep in touch!
i still feel lonely.
i was horrified when vic said "hey sounds like you got back your old lifestyle eh! town and all"
i've never thought of it in tt context. after she said tt i.. refused t go t town the last weekend. spent fri sat at home, and sun with my cousin. no way do i wanna return to the hypocritical endless life of cine cine cine.
posted by joviee @ 5:53:00 PM