Wednesday, May 03, 2006
May 03, 2006
Pulling From The Roots
The fastest way of healing, would be a certain infliction of self-torture:
The fabrication of worst case scenerios.
If one expects the worst, there cannot be the slightest chance of disappointment.
Having fallen into the depths of the abyss, there is only two possibilities.
The first - Remain where you are.
The second - Climb out of the abyss.
When one reaches the lowest point of life, one can go no lower and will in time, certainly rise up again.
That's what I've been trying to achieve.
The worst thing that could happen in this non-existent relationship?
Him not loving me anymore - which probably is the situation now.
Him loving and dating someone else - which might happen in the near future.
Tormented myself with images after images.
Him meeting her before school, sending her home after school.
Holding hands, cuddling, kissing.
Texting, calling, all those sweet nothings.
Staying over, bathing then sleeping together.
Everything.
Her waking up in his arms.
Him preparing breakfast for her.
Her feeling guilty, telling him to come back to me, and him getting frustrated because he loves her and not me anymore. (yes, what I did then)
His friendster profile status changing to In A Relationship.. with some sweet note about her, and their pictures.
Her bites on his neck, his marks on her..
Him getting jealous over her.
Her getting her every whim fufilled by him.
Him looking at her with love in his eyes..
You get the idea.
Thinking about them.. somehow the pain's less intense, I seemed to be resigned to facts I have no way to change..
But when I DON'T deliberately think about them, waves after waves of bitter melancholia just wash over me.. with a heaviness in the heart that will not lift.
Sigh.
posted by joviee @ 1:08:00 PM