Wednesday, May 17, 2006
31 January 2006 - is this going to be the last time?
she just left my place. i guess this break up is for good. i asked her, do you want to be back with me. answer was no. reason was she felt that the way things are now is much better.
you want to, i can choose not to.
you have to, i can not have to.
you need to, i don't see a need to.
don't say i want, have and need to as well. you know i can live without them. i can make a choice and stick to it. i can give you my word and stick to it. how many times have you given me yours and went against it in the end? if you really love a person, the things that you want to do and did can easily not be done instead. i can forgo them. you couldn't.. and i don't know if you ever will be able to. maybe if it's daniel you can. but i'm samuel.. daniel was always be the one you truly ever loved. maybe you did love me, alot in fact, but what was short was the part in you that is unwilling to forgo certain stuff even though you know i wouldn't be happy.
well.. if it has to end this way, i guess it's fated. after you said at the moment you didn't want to be back in this relationship, i know it'll be impossible for us to ever be together again. and whatever i did or say wouldn't change this fact. whatever that i could say or do, i've alr said and done. reassuring you, convincing you, proving that your doubts are wrong and everything.. what haven't i done? i don't know either.
all i hope is that you take care of yourself and love yourself. party if you want, respect your own body and your own pride. drugs are stupid. it's a no-lifer. i'm not hoping for a patch anytime soon cause i know you'll be out there enjoying your new found life (and freedom). giving up all these in exchange for the love from me is not worth it i reckon.
take care jovina, i'm still loving you.
31012006 1015PM
Thursday, February 16, 200616 February 2006 - shameless bastard...
don't get the wrong idea. i'm referring to myself. yes, i'm a shameless bastard.
i just refuse to accept the fact that she doesn't want to be bothered in this relationship anymore. when i screw up, i call her, i bug her, i apologise to her and i do whatever that i can so that she won't be mad at me anymore. but when she screws up, she just sits back and ocassionally message me saying she wants to meet me and stuff. but she just doesn't take any actions at all. she says she doesn't wanna bother me anymore since i made things so clearly. but she made things clearly to me before and she even added quite a few nasty words in there. but i still came crawling back like a dog. i love her too much to just put it down just because of a quarrel.
yesterday night i thought this would be the last straw. i wouldn't ever forgive her, i wouldn't ever want her back again. but i was wrong. i woke up this morning and i realised i still love her. i can't accept it that she could actually do something like this to me. my head is telling me she isn't worth it. she doesn't love me. she doesn't bother about my feelings. she just cares about her freedom, her happiness and her friends. my heart tells me you still love her alot. you can swallow your pride and call her and talk to her. you can ignore the fact the she screwed up time after time and still crawl back to her.
it's tearing me apart.
1820HRS 16 February 2006
posted by joviee @ 1:40:00 AM