Thursday, May 18, 2006
18th May, 2006
; hu ran hen xiang ni
was browsing the best friend's archives (vic, she's on my network, hot but taken, check her out!) for a video we took months back and i caught glimpses of her posts, that i couldn't resist reading.
very disturbing ):
jan6.
SHE & SAM ,, there's tiis lil confusion between the both of dem. dunno wut's jov thiinking`she kiinda hurt or maybe she already hurtt the poor guy's feelings wiith her mean sms msges. iim lyk tryiing to talk some sense iinto her ,,
met jov at JP todayy ,, she was at SAM's hse b4 tt. dunno wut funny things r they doiing there & i dun wanna know .. iim nt gonna pollute my clean mind. he actually cooked the instant pasta 4 her, iim sure jov did appreciate iit. didnt see DANIEL cooking for her .. hahas. other details r gonna b strictly confidential ,, im nt gonna mention wut i saw or bla bla blaa~ went shopping 4 daniel's so called "farewell" presents. He's gonna leave 4 taiwan tis sunday just after he has been released frm RTC. poor jov ,, she seems depressed.
jan7.
a day we've all been waiiting for. cuz iits DANIEL'S releasedd date from RTC. everyyone was excited - especially jov. she bought everythiing tt she wanted to get for hiim and was eagerly waiiting to pass iit to hiim. jov & ii met vic outsiide the prison bus-stop. we were anxiously waiiting 4 Daniel to come out, sitting there 4 about half n hr plus ,, we still did not c any Daniel iin siight. we decided to g0 iin and ask. The police officer told us tt foreigners will b brought to the ICA immediatly after release. we hurriedly rushed out the door and ran (YES ,, we RAN!) outsiide to flag a cab. finally we reached the ICA, the guard told us tt we were nt allowed inside and the exact timing tt he will b released will nt b fixed, so0o0 tt means Daniel can b released lyk 2 in the morniing is also possible. but we didnt giive up ,, we continued to waiit ouside ,, hopiing every guy tt comes out from the d00r is Daniel Fu! we waiiting till bout 1 plus when jov recieved a phone call. & guess who? YUPPS ,, iits Daniel! at first jov didnt believe .. she tot iit was someone hu was playing a prank on her but actually, iits was really Daniel. her face totally changed - from a sulky , long face to a happy smile. she passed the phone to victor ,, but no hope to c hiim cuz he will b brought to the aiirport directly. both of dem cried ,, maybe cuz after such a long period of nv hearing hiis voice. Of course they were happy tt at least Daniel's voice was heardd.
wentt to Bugiis wiith Jov after tt ,, jov iis lyk now at sam's hse ,, hahas ~ ii think i physco her enough le .. iits up to sam now. lolS =P but wutevr i physco her ,, has always been a fact.
jan 10.
iit was raining againn. wuts wrong wiith the sky?! iits been raining lyk the past few days alreadyy. Jov thiinks tt the raiin is cryiing along wiith her becuz of Daniel,, wentt over to Samuel's hse downstairs to pick up the skates frm hiim. so nice of hiim to go baq up and bring iit baq down cuz he was goiing to the coffee shop to buy breakfast for piggyy & ii was lyk running late. s0o0 sweet rittex? someone out there should undersand how much he lurves u and should treasure hiim too, nt picking on quarrels for a tiiny matter. *YES JOV, iim referiing to U*
our relationship was a mistake from the start.
how could i, the day before daniel's release, fool around with another guy? i know what vic meant by "dunno what funny things they were doing" yeah, i can remember it vividly, it was the day i had marks all over my neck. what was i thinking? what if daniel saw them? what if victor did and told him?
was i sucha slut? i searched through my msg archives and i saw a text from s, on the 7th of jan. 10++ in the morning. yes i remember vic and i on the mrt, on the way t changi t 'fetch' daniel. "I didn't know what to say to you.. Cause i'm so afraid of what you'll say to me. Cause you hurt me really badly yesterday night.." i can't remember what i told him. but we should have ended any relationship we had tt very moment. why oh why did we carry on?
i told daniel i would wait for his return, and tt i'll always love him, the day he was released, before he was sent back t taiwan. i remember victor saying "daniel's so lucky. there's a girl like you out there loving him so deeply." and what happened? in the end i ended up at s's house and probably in his bed? i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw vic's post.
wtf. i am sucha screwed up person.
thank god it's over.
i know i really loved daniel. what i felt for him was real, undeniable.
but did i love samuel? did i really love him, or was he merely a replacement, a subsitute for daniel?
i remember lying on his chest, and him telling me "i'm samuel.. not daniel." i just smiled, and closed my eyes. imagining he was someone else. nights when i looked at him, kissed him and i thought of daniel, i saw daniel's face.
was it a mistake, after all?
i don't know. it doesn't matter now, but somehow, i feel empty and sad inside. realizing tt what i thought i felt was nothing but disillusion.
i thought i loved him. i was wrong.
posted by joviee @ 1:15:00 AM